


(When You Wake) You're Still in a Dream

by 100KlicksAway



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Dark Cloud!Derek, Derek POV, Endgame Sterek, Ficlet, M/M, Open Ending, Really mushy, dreamy, sunbeam!Stiles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-08
Updated: 2014-01-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 01:19:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1126651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/100KlicksAway/pseuds/100KlicksAway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek thinks. He dreams... He lives in utmost regret of his mistakes, of himself. He hurts inside, all the time. <br/>He doesn't know what to do, where to turn. <br/>He thinks he might just drown in despair... <br/>But then, a little ray of sunshine pops through, and brightens his world. <br/>Sunbeam!Stiles, Darkcloud!Derek</p>
            </blockquote>





	(When You Wake) You're Still in a Dream

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is a dreamy type ficlet that I came up with on my bus ride home. Fun.  
> Anyway, it's short and sweet. Derek's POV. 
> 
> FICLET! :D

  **Sadness stretching across miles of time**

You stand still, smelling the air around you, the damp earth and fresh-cut grass and rot of things new and unspoken of, things being born, things being raised from the earth. You sniff closely and look and listen to the air around you, to all that is going on around you: bird chirps, deer leaping through the forest, life all around you.

But not before you.. before you is your own. One of the few that you love... Before you is Laura, beloved sister. Pesky and annoying and bossy and ever-so bittersweet, one who you loved to hate and hated to love, but did anyway. One that you truly loved because even though she was kind of a massive bitch, she was the best person that you'd ever met and she always made you laugh. She made you want to go cry in corners, to hang your head in shame when she caught you jerking off.

She made you happy.

She made you _feel._

She was the only person who was consistently there for you. There had been a lot of people in your life who you looked at and thought that you liked,or even had feelings for, and then they turned around and backstabbed you or spread rumors about you or weren't there for you or even burned your house down with your family in it.

You've had a lot of people like that in your life...

But you haven't had a lot like Laura. You'll never be able to get over the way that she would constantly make fun of you, of your crushes, of the way you snorted sometimes when you laughed. You'd never get over how sometimes she'd bully you until you cried, and your mother would make her apologize to you because Laura was the oldest and should know better, and you were the sensitive middle child.

And now she was gone.

You look down at her as the dirt crumbles over her terrified features and you cry harder than you've cried in a long time.

You've lost everybody but Peter, who is in a coma.

You've lost everything important to you, and it's all your fault for being stupid enough to fall for that venomous snake of a woman, Kate.

You know that she's the one in the wrong, she was the one who'd seduced you and lied to you, but.. there's a pretty big part of you that doesn't actually believe that. Your subconscious is stuck behind the idea that it is entirely your fault... your subconscious is stuck behind the idea that Laura's death, your family's death.. it's all your fault,. You're the one to blame..

it kills you inside.

 

**Loneliness sinking to the depths of his soul**

You remember smelling the smoke. You remember seeing the fire. You can't stand yourself, every moment. You turn, looking out of one of the windows of the desolate home you currently find yourself living in.

You've taken up residency in the burned out husk of your old home. It's an every day reminder of all the crap that you've done, everything that you've put yourself through. It's your punishment, your atonement, you life all wrapped in one. You can't help but to feel enormously guilty, every day, all day long. Everyting you see, say, do reminds you of what you've done, what you did.

You hate yourself more by the day.

You buried Laura a few months ago. You'd met these two boys, the Sheriff's kid and Scott... You worked with Scott. He needed control, he needed vigorous reigning in. He was dating The Bitch's niece... You are terrified that something bad will happen. Is it a family trait to be evil? In the case of Gerard, yes. You don't really want to hurt Scott, you want him to trust you.

But.. you've lost all feeling. You've lost all emotion, you're dead inside. You can't think, you can't breathe. Every day is like a panic attack, like you're drowning. That was something that the Sheriff's son had said to him one time, after you caught him having a panic attack.

you know that dealing with Scott led to dealing with Stiles (what the hell is a Stiles?), but...you kind of hate it. You hate Stiles a little bit. You hate him just because he kind of reminds you of Laura sometimes. You also hate him for defiling Laura's body.. Him and Scott.

But you do (sorta) like Scott. You want Scott to trust him... It's just that, it's hard. It's really hard to get a teenage boy with someone like Stiles (who constantly warns Scott against you) to like and trust you when you're a bitter, broken, cranky asshole. You don't know what to do.

Sometimes, when you're around Stiles, you breathe him in. The scent of fresh paper and vanilla and musty books and pure teenage boy just... Makes you think. It's not really a smell you've really dealt with before. Your male cousins were all much older than you or much younger than you, as were your siblings. You've never really dealt with a teenage male other than yourself in the way that you deal with Stiles.

He kind of... he makes you think of things like wind and sunshine and fresh-cut apples and lemon juice: freshness and happiness and sweetness and sourness. That is Stiles to you, wrapped up in a bundle of sarcasm and wit. You hate him for that, too. You hate him because he makes you happy, and you don't want to be happy. You even admit it to yourself; you'd rather drown in your anger and pity than do anything else.

 

**Despair so great he thought the earth would swallow him whole**

You freeze.

Your breathing stops, your brain fuzzes, your heart skips.

Erica.

Erica....

She's gone. She's gone, she's gone, she'sgoneshe'sgoneshe'sgone. Boyd and Stiles were back, Erica wasn't, she was dead. Your beta is dead, you didn't protect her, you _let her die._ It's all your fault.. All your fault. Why do you do this? Why are you always surrounded by deaths? Why can't you just... be normal, be free? You were never meant to be an alpha, you were meant to be Laura's beta and it was all supposed to be okay.

You turn away from the others as you feel the tears prick your eyes. You let out a tiny little whine and Stiles comes up, places a hand on your arm.

“I know... I feel it too. I hurt inside, Derek. If I'd spent more time trying to find Boyd and Erica instead of researching the Alpha Pack, I would've found them.. _and_ the Pack. It's mostly my fault.”

Stiles thinks it's his fault... You are touched by his sincerity. You know that he's telling the truth, that he actually thinks that it's his fault. It's kind of ridiculous, it's not like he could've done anything to prevent Boyd and Erica from being taken. But he just looks so genuine...

You turn away, look at the sky. It's azure, with puffy white egg-shell colored clouds. You wonder how the earth around you can be so happy when everything you love is being ripped away from you.

You spend more time brooding. You and Cora leave... You can't stand the thought of being in Beacon Hills any longer. There is no longer anything there for you. You love Cora, you love the fact that she's alive, but... she's just so different that she's not really like your sister... You just.. You hurt so much you kind of want to die.

 

**Can darkness turn to light?**

It's been 8 years since you last set foot in Beacon Hills. You've been away, in Montana. You aren't quite sure why you chose Montana, other than because it is empty, and big, and kind of free of a lot of Hunters. No Argents there..

You step out of your new house. You felt this insane urge to come back home to Beacon Hills the first time a few years ago, and you've been fighting it this entire time. So many bad things had happened here. However, time had worn away a lot of the gritty darkness. You and Cora had a huge pack of twenty others back in Montana.. But you just decided to take a break, to come back to Beacon Hills, examine old memories.

You are still unsure though. Why Beacon Hills? Why not New York? You look around and notice a very familiar house... It's the Sheriff's. Stiles isn't going to be there, though. He's probably already graduated from college, the smart little shit.

You sigh loudly and turn to go back into your house. A hand lands on your arm.

“Derek?”

You turn, shocked at the familiar voice. “Stiles?”

The boy- _man_ smiles hugely at you before throwing his arms around you. “I missed you!”

“I... I missed you too...” You reply. You realize... maybe there's something here in Beacon Hilss after all... There always has been.

 

 

_Sadness stretching across miles of time_

_lonliness sinking into the depths of his soul_

_despair so great he thought the earth would swallow him whole_

_can darkness turn to light?_

 

 

 


End file.
